Epilogue: Signing off

I have arrived back in Sydney, and my feelings of "home" are re-adjusting. I've learnt a lot in the last year and a bit - some things about myself, other people and many random topics. I am going to try and expound my "learnings" (one of my favourite made up consulting words of this week) as a bit of a conclusion.
Disclaimer: These are my ramblings - if I offend you, particularly if you are Singaporean, I apologise.
It's not easy
I was a little bored in Sydney, especially with my job. Living overseas had always been on the "list" of things I wanted to do. The Singapore role came up; I thought about it and said yes. It all seemed so simple!
It was harder than I thought - the first few weeks in Singapore were very lonely. I missed Brendan and my family much more than I thought I would. I had to prioritise my friends, as there were just not enough hours in each trip home to connect with all of them.
I had more language problems than I expected to.
No one understood my sense of humour - it's hard to survive my job without being able to share a laugh!
Now that I am back. I feel like an outsider in the office in Sydney.
I don't at all regret going, but the experience has given me some new criteria to evaluate the next time I embark on an adventure.
The world is big
Singapore seemed so far away. It seemed possible to visit all over Asia in weekend getaways.
Being in Singapore has just made the world seem bigger. This realisation probably makes me seem naive. I have met people from all of the continents (well, except the penguins from Antarctica) in the last year and most of them from places I haven't even come close to visiting. Most of them have never been to Australia as there are so many other places they want to visit. I am privileged to have visited the places that I have, but I am hungry to understand the world better by seeing more of it.
I wish I had a culture
I only skimmed the surface of Asian, particularly Chinese, culture - but I found it gave me a longing to have stronger traditions. Like most Anglo Saxon Australians, I am astounded by history when I travel - seeing ancient Buddhist temples in Sukkothai, meeting people whose heritage and connection to place is so strong they seem like living history to me - is always eye opening. I took the time to try and understand some of the history around south east asia and feel enriched by that. Singapore provided a different experience to the other places I traveled to. It's people are transient - the population is dominated by Chinese ethnic groups, most of whom are from families that immigrated during the last 200 years. They identify themselves as Singaporeans, and at the same time as Chinese (whether they speak to their grandparents in Hokkien, Teochew or Hakka). Most white Australians, the closest parallel of a ‘migrant’ majority in Australia I can draw, do not feel English/Irish/Scottish/etc at the same time.
I envy those that can live is such a melting pot of cultures and still have some identity, beliefs and culture originally from another place - even the simple things like complicated rituals on wedding days and a belief in ghosts at the bottom of Palau Ubin quarries.

Singapore is a foodie's paradise. My love of cooking, eating and understanding food was feulled by living in Singapore. It helps that Singaporeans' diet is not dominated by wheat based products!
I have a new appreciation for the diversity of Chinese food, and feel a little more empowered when I stroll down Liverpool road in Ashfield to all those restaurants with their fluro orange menu posters. I love Hong Kong fusion food and its unique combinations and overuse of processed meats. I love modern Cantonese food for its delicacy.
Most of all I love how Singaporeans take a food and own it. Chicken rice originated from Hainan, but Singaporeans almost consider it a national dish - is this because it's delicacy is perfect for a hot day (that’s everyday in Singapore)? Is it because small changes made such a huge difference (that rice is too oily, that rice is too bland, the chilly is all wrong) and Singaporeans love to have strong opinions on food? I don't really care, but I am glad my last meal in Singapore was with friends eating chicken rice at Maxwell food centre. And that Grace bought me Tapioca cake for me to enjoy while I packed!
Chuckies are the most wonderful team in Singapore
I was introduced to ultimate frisbee about 3 years ago. Finding a team I like in Singapore didn't happen straight away, but having them gave me a strong sense of belonging to something in Singapore, outside of my job. This may seem a small thing, but my I this added a dimension to the ‘expat’ life that was important for me. Work can be all consuming, and when the vast majority of my friends were through work, I didn’t have a chance to get any perspective.
Some of them, I hope, will remain lifelong friends. Some of them just made me laugh a lot.
Singapore is an amazing country, but it's not my country
I loved living in Singapore – it’s vibrant, exciting, aspirational and it just “works”. How this first world country emerged from its neighbours and now offers its citizens living conditions, opportunities and wealth not common in surrounding countries is an amazing thing. Singapore also gives foreigners permission to live any way they want. I could live there again.
The other side of Singapore that would prevent me from ever calling it home is a consumerist, contended and somewhat apathetic streak. I want Singaporeans to start questioning the status quo, get interested in politics, especially international affairs, choose different ways of seeing the world and stop buying expensive handbags and aspiring to Condos and Country Clubs (and whatever those other Cs stand for). Wealth and the Singapore Economy have been the key to Singapore’s past development, but I am not convinced, even by Minister Mentor Lee, that they are the key to Singaporeans future.
When everything is evaluated through an economic lens, alternative paradigms to view happiness, success and issues of human rights and equality are limited. To help explain, let me cite the example of Singapore's anti-homosexual laws. Homosexual acts are illegal in Singapore. I believe the punishment is caning and fines. This was recently discussed in the press as to whether these laws should be changed. One of the major articles discussing the issue was 'Are homosexuals good for the economy?'. It analysed how Singapore’s economy would benefit from changing these laws e.g. allow more foreign talent to enter Singapore, support the arts community, which in turn support the tourism industry etc. In isolation, it was an interesting analysis - that most issues in both the public forum and in many Singaporean’s minds are examined in a similar way scares me.
So if I am not a Singaporean at heart - where does that leave Australia? I have obvious emotional attachment to Australia. I love our open spaces, our less extreme weather and the country's natural beauty. But seeing the Singapore microcosm helped me to see the same trends in Australia. We may be more politically aware, but many of us are afraid of change. Great swathes of the population get insufficient education and would be as ignorant of world issues as middle class America (oops, offending more people with every word). We have a greater appreciation of human rights issues, yet we fight unjust wars and let our indigenous population descend further into poverty and lose more of their ancient culture each year. We are aware of the problems facing our environment, yet we live in inefficient quarter acre blocks and all drive petrol guzzling cars.